Below are the 7 most recent journal entries recorded in Ash's LiveJournal:

Tuesday, February 19th, 2002
5:29 pm	UGH!!!!!!! Im taking my first huge anthropology test in an hour...And Im spending this hour chillin, cuz well I spent like 4 hours reading that damn book and going through my notes and I could not tell you mitosis from meiosis or hominidae and hominids...God Im sooo lost and all thats happening now is my head hurts, and I want to quit I want to quit college and take all my grant money and run away...Im thinking that could either be the best thing in the world for me or the biggest mistake of my life...Isn't it wonderful how life works out like that? You know you always hear about the biggest sucesses and biggest failures and they all took a chance like that, or something like that anyway... I guess you have to get to the point where you dont care. I could not care for maybe a couple minutes or at least untill I saw people I knew But isnt that everyones number 1 fantasy(in the words of Ghost Worlds ENID) is to "One day take off and not tell anyone where you're going and start over" God that would be brilliant, and you know I'd go to Britian ..maybe someday (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, February 11th, 2002
7:52 pm	the british...::swoon:: [Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<english [...] rose,>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] <center><English rose, but you know where br>I am 42.5% British, just like<br><b>Catherine Zeta Jones</b><br>A true the money is.<br><br>Take the Brit Quiz at<br><a href=http://darrenlondon.tripod.com/britquiz1.htm>www.darrenlondon.tripod.com/britquiz1.htm</a></center><br>Quiz written by Daz <lj user="daz71"> (Comment on this)
7:22 pm	well its been a long time... Wow I was just looking at some pro-anorexic sites and its really just..I dont know. I can relate to these girls and then I cant. I just want to hug them all and tell them it's ok if you fuck up every once in awhile..Lord knows I have. And sometimes I realize the fuck up was meant to be because it opened up other doors.. Anywayz. Im starting writing in here again because I write in my regular paper journal but I need some anonmyous contact right now. I got a call the other day and my old highscool friend who went away to college last year was diagnosed with a brain tumor. Im just in shock, she may lose her sight. I cant stop thinking about that, If I lost my sight...It would just be fucking horrible, worse then losing my hearing. Photography,movies, beautiful written notes..gone Well I think Ill end this by posting a part of a poem some pro ED girl had on her journal it read: mirror image reflection of the emptiness inside of you this new found hate planted there next to you now she's something beautiful a slut, a bitch, a sex object for the fools wind her up and she will dance ask her to and she'll take off your pants it's sick what you've created and you don't like what she's become .........My god that just sends something up my spine cuz I sooo can just feel that.. America the beautiful,eh? (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 21st, 2001
10:08 am	Anonymous I feel like I have to be totally annoynmous in order to be real, because the truth is that Im embarresed of my real feelings and my real life. And I know thats soo sad and horrible, but its the truth. Im not happy with myself or the person I percieve myself to be in the public. Im soo sick with myself I may be coming to a point of just not caring what people think. I wish I could be that brave, but I know Im not, and never will be. How Could I not care what people think? I always have, and I soo badly want recongnition and for people to like me but when I act like myself, the opposite happens. People get uncomfortable and say Im a bitch.. Just for expressing my mind, my true mind How can the real me be a bitch and the not real be what everyone likes...the world eats up superficiality (Comment on this)
Sunday, November 18th, 2001
5:38 pm	I Just Dont know anymore... Im full of soo much pain and anger right now. But most of all just sadness for this world we live in. I watched the fight for your rights program on MTV and just everything about it just made me soo upset, just all the prejudices. I never grew up prejudice or knew people that were untill I get out of my safe little house and venture out into the world..Its soo easy for me to just think I dont want to talk about it or think about it..why do we have to even think about sexuality or the color of the skin or just the basic appearance of others, but as I grow I realize we have to address it because ignoring the problems does nothing and yet Im torn I cant relate to this people but the pain rips me apart and hurts my pride and the fact that people can just sooo easily hurt makes me not want to be part of this world. How can people do that? What makes people have no concious? It all makes me feel like Im in junior high again and Im that chubby little girl with braces and glasses and the girl everyone uses to copy their homework from only to ignore me in the halls. I go back to that pain and I hate to feel it for others because I know for them its probably 10 times worse. God, why Is this world soo full of pain and hurt and why does it seem no one has a heart anymore? It makes me remember a time sitting on the bus with my friend Alicia,who was basically the only black girl in our school, she was half white and half black and I remember her asking me.."Ash, do you think I should feel different because I look different then everyone else?" I said "no, but I know if It were me I would just because I feel upset when Im the only fat girl in the room or whatever" and she said "See, thats the thing I dont feel different then you or anyone else untill I look in the mirror" ...I didnt know what to say, becuase well maybe i felt that way to when I looked in the mirror and saw my chubby legs or my cheap clothes and realized all this time I laughed and thought i was one with these people I wasnt There is a difference, deep down I always knew I could lose weight, but you cant change the color of your skin.. Why should you have to, it hurts me even to think about it or say it but God Damn somethings gotta be done People have to stop being so god damn mean ....I just dont know what to say (Comment on this)
Saturday, August 18th, 2001
12:47 pm	Getting better I ran today! wahooooooo lol... I got up this morning and walked around my neighborhood and down to the school and ran a few laps and walked in the park. all for a half an hour. Pretty good, I'd say. Now if I do that everyday along with watching what I eat I should get back in shape in no time, plus I'll feel better about myself. Ok that's all I had to say, I just had to share my revelation with the rest of you..lol (Comment on this)
Sunday, August 12th, 2001
1:30 pm	Im new...how original hello all well yea this is fun I joined this livejournal thingy to keep track of my weight and sanity I also need a job. Well I can already tell you are loving this so ill shut up Maybe Ill have something worthy to say in the coming weeks or dayz bye (Comment on this)